regrouping

Been away from the computer, TRYING to get my act together. I say trying although I think I need to go back to the dictionary and review the definition of TRYING and then re-check the definition of PROCRASTINATING and see if maybe that’s a better fit for this particular situation. I’m not ready for Christmas and question if I ever will be. Although I did manage to get two packages mailed off yesterday so that was a mini joyful moment to celebrate. Gotta take ‘em as they come. I so want to be the type of person who can just let all the stress go and cherish the moments but my inner anal list maker and dot the i’er and cross the t’er seems to be interfering with that particular want of mine.

I’ve been…

Sick. Sick. Sick. Got a bad cold a few weeks ago and seemed to be recovering well from that only to be side swiped with a bad case of the dizzy’s! UGH! I hate not being able to tell what is connected to the Lupus, what is just pure exhaustion from life, and what is truly just a bug! My head hurts, a severe case of the crankies has set in and I’m just trying to remember to breath. Did get the sinkful of dishes done about an hour ago so that’s a feeling of accomplishment. If I had a list for today, I’d be sure to add dishes just for the pure satisfaction of being able to cross that off! On that note, need to tell you how excited I am for the New Year. It’s like the first day of school for me. I just got my latest issue of Real Simple and it’s an issue completely geared for list-makers like myself! Love it! But I digress…

Wrestling with new behaviors. The Boy Wonder has done a bit of trading on the Black Market as of late. Trading up for amazing academic accomplishments but trading down for negative behaviors of hitting, kicking, and melting down. Autism. One word but sooooo much is contained within those 6 letters. Just when you think you’ve got things in manage mode, along comes the big fat A-word with it’s evil sinister laugh in tow to rip that theory to pieces and give you a new thing to wrap your brain around! Time to pull out my special needs collection of books and figure out what this particular form of “behavior is communication” is trying to tell me! I got a little sumpin’ to tell that behavior, GO AWAY and bring back my sweet little boy! It’s Christmas for crying out loud! AND….our Community Support Worker apparently has a life outside of our home and will be out of town for the next two weeks! (Believe me, the girl has more than earned a little break – she is truly amazing and my personal life saver!) My sanity is about to be truly tested.

In about a half an hour the cherubs will start to roll in, thrilled that they’re on Vacation. I best find myself a new attitude and try to embrace the blessings of Christmas instead of letting my not feeling well take the good out of everything. This is fun, right?! Oh and did I mention we’re about to get dumped with a Nor’easter! Love the teapot!

In case I don’t make it back before the Holidays are officially here, have the merriest of merry’s and the happiest of happy’s. Enjoy this wonderful time of year (I should take my own advice, huh?) and the memories that are just waiting to be made.

Happy Holidays!

Jayne

a profit was turned

so that’s better than a kick in the head!  I would have liked a steadier flow of traffic and some more savvy craft fair shoppers but all in all, for a first attempt at selling anything I made, I’d say it was a success. 

Now it’s time to focus on getting the house decorated for Christmas and finishing up my shopping.  The Christmas cards are starting to arrive and the guilt is climbing up my shoulders.  Every year for the past, I don’t know, probably five years, I’ve said I’d get one out again.  Oh I used to be so good…the great letter with the recap of the year…what happened?  Every year it’s the same thing, suddenly it’s the second week of December and I beat myself up again.  A vicious cycle completely self-induced.  I fool myself with notions of an after Christmas card, a New Year’s Card, a festive Valentine’s Day Card, then it becomes a Christmas In July Card, before I know it, it’s back to December and the cycle repeats!  Maybe I should just focus on getting a tree right now.  Baby steps, right?

The snow has started to arrive and with it came the first day of sledding, snow ball fights, and snow angels.  Did I take one stinking picture?  Um, that would be a no!  But we did bake and decorate some gluten-free sugar cookies that are truly delicious.  Everyone in my house is eating them except the one who eats a gluten-free diet – he’s not a fan of sweets unless it’s a fake oreo or milkshake.  I’ll post the recipe tomorrow soon, I better not make any promises, I’ve been a terrible blog owner lately. 

In other news, I’m getting over quite possibly the world’s worst cold ever known to man.  It conveniently arrived just three days before the craft fair making it next to impossible to sew all the last minute things I had planned.  I truly spent the hours of 8am to 8:30pm on Thursday on the couch.  At 8:30pm I promptly relocated to my bed where I stayed until morning.  I think that is a first, the all day on the couch thing.  I’ve been there when it’s a stomach flu but never a cold.  I’m thinking my already compromised immune system may have something to do with the severity of the situation. 

I even had to cancel my chaperone status for my daughter’s field trip on Friday.  Talk about feeling guilty!  Sure, I’d love to go on your field trip, put me down.  At least I knew enough to cancel on Wednesday, knowing there was no way I would be in full on field trip shape by Friday. 

I’m feeling so much better today aside from the gallons of snot that seem to be exiting my nasal passages when I blow my nose.  Oh and the cough that sounds like I’ve been smoking for 39 of my 40 years of life!  But really, so much better!

Here’s hoping your December is starting off more festive and Christmasy than mine. 

Gotta go blow my nose! 

Signed,

Rudolph

Something’s gotta give and Lord don’t let it be my bowels!

Pardon my absence lately, I’ve been feeling pretty crappy in a Lupus kind of way.  I’m really starting to hate this new addition to my life.  At first I thought, “No biggie, I can handle it, I’m Super-Jayne!”, now I’m realizing this thing is far bigger than me and I’m no Super-Jayne!

This butterfly rash so commonly associated with Lupus has spread its wings all over my face.  It’d be one thing if it was giving me that sun-kissed look but no, in typical Jayne fashion, it’s giving me the “oh my god what happened to your face?!” look. 

My shoulders and neck burn like nobody’s business, not sure what the heck is going on there.  It radiates down my arms throughout the day, like right now as I type this. 

My ankles, hips, wrists, and thumb joints feel like someone took them and beat them with a meat cleaver and ran.  Nice description, I know.  I struggle with words lately, this leads me to my next problem.

Brain fog.  I am so forgetful, constantly going into a room and wondering what the heck it was I was going to do in there in the first place.  Usually if I wait it out a few seconds, it’ll come to me. Sometimes I just start doing something and then I recall the original thing I was going to do in there!  I’m thinking about taking Ernie’s advice and tying string around all my fingers but have a feeling I may forget what that was for in the first place.  Another memory problem occurs mid conversation with someone, I just can’t seem to recall the word I am searching for in my VAST internal word resource.  Worse yet, sometimes I substitute a word that isn’t even close to the word I meant to say.  This makes for great conversation.  Just this very morning my daughter was telling me that she will get to ride in the elevator at school today because her friend has a sprained ankle and has chosen my daughter as one of two friends she could take along.  She told me there are two kids in her homeroom that are riding the elevator now.  I tried to ask a simple question and this is what came out, “Are they both on crackers?”  ” I mean CRUTCHES!”???  My daughter got quite the chuckle out of that one.  I’m sure in her head she’s thinking, ‘um no Mom, but you’ve gone CRACKERS!’.  Sweet girl kept her thoughts to herself!

So as you can see, I’m clearly struggling with old age symptoms and will turn 40 in eleven days.  I used to joke about feeling really old when I turned 40 BUT IT WAS A JOKE DAMMIT!  It wasn’t supposed to really happen.  I was going to hit my stride, be physically fit, look great, and leave those girls from High School that everyone loved, the tan, perfect body, evenly proportioned, great hair, great smile girls, behind with their leathery skin and melanoma’s and strut my stuff at my 25th High School Reunion!  If I decided that was what I felt like doing.  Now, I’ll be lucky if I can even walk!

Something’s gotta give.  I’m going to start with a little Yoga as prescribed by my wise and older sister.  Maybe I can just center this thing right on out of me!  Then I’m going to continue to take Mommy get-aways with my sisters for good mental health, they both INSIST on this one.  I tend to agree.  Gonna get that diet of mine in check as soon as I get all this darn Halloween Candy out of my pantry!  I think I’ve eaten more than my fair share of the peanut laden items my allergic daughter can’t have.  Gee you think that has anything to do with my crappy skin?  Um… but some of it was dark chocolate…antioxidants???

Okay, enough of my complaining.  One more thing though, grant me this one.  My house looks like a bomb went off in here and I really need to dig deep into my energy reserve and get it together.  For me, clean home = happy home = happy Jayne!  I need a maid!